I accidentally had phone sex last night
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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