you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
