New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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