So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
