Small penises have feelings too.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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