dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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