I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
