THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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