I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
