An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Randomize