you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
