I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
