Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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