i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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