Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
