OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
