Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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