Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
