O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
