she woke up with a sticky ear
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
