after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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