I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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