I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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