It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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