I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
