yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
