when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
