if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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