I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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