I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
