you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
