Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
