I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
