you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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