Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
