I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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