3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
