I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
