So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Couch. On fire.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
