Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize