I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
