once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
