Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
