im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
