if i can run in heels then i can drive
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize