I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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