Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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