The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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