just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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