Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
