I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
