dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
