I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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