She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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