Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
