If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
