I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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