just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
