White coat. Heels.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If I die, sorry about rent.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
