Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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