I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
