Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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