apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
