his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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