escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize