i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
