i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
