Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
