yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
