I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My feet surprised me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize