Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Alive.
So much puke
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
